Mom's last moments

My perspective --By Andrea

As some of you may have noticed, Karen (my mom) died just hours after my last post. I knew the end was coming within a couple days, but didn't know it would be just hours away.

Dad called us in the morning a couple times. The last time he called, he said, "the doctor says she doesn't have days, it's a matter of hours." So Julie and I and our families got there as soon as we could. We talked with Mom. The kids hugged her quickly and went downstairs to play. I didn't want to leave her side. I had seen a couple family members in this situation, and I was very uncomfortable...this time, it was peaceful. I wanted to be there. I wanted EVERY MINUTE to be with my Mom.

Mom, of course, hugged everybody and told them all she loved them, and we said it back. She said a few jokes. It was like she was trying to cheer us up, though we were pretending to be in a good mood, and make the situation light. Julie and I put peppermint lotion on her legs. Others were saying, "that smells so good!" I was wondering if I wanted to remember this moment with that smell every time I smelled that later. I decided not to smell it too much because I thought it would be painful later. I since changed my mind, thinking that it was a peaceful moment, and we were happy there with our mom.

We talked to her. She wanted to tell us things. Some things were important, some things didn't make sense. Once in a while, Mom's speech was so slurred that we couldn't understand. She gradually couldn't say the right words she was wanted, and sometimes said something completely off the wall. I left to take her cup into the kitchen, and at that time she told everyone, "I'm going," and according to Julie, had a kind of excited look on her face. (She tells it better). The hospice nurse got the family quickly. We sat there holding her hands or arms and talked to her, while she breathed heavily. She was kept comfortable with morphine that the nurse kept giving to her, which helps with oxygen starvation. Mom stopped talking, and went to sleep. It took about 20 minutes for her to go after she told us she was going. It was peaceful, and we all wanted her to go because we didn't want her suffering to go on any more. I believe there were many family members there from the other side of the veil that we couldn't see.

We were able to be with her for 2 hours that day. With the family there in the house, it was peaceful. We were sad and in shock. There was almost a comfort or release in knowing that the death had finally come and gone. Julie and I kept talking about how we thought there was a possibility she could go before (or around) Thanksgiving but we pushed the thoughts out of our heads and were probably either in denial or just keeping our hopes up. But once Mom actually did die before Thanksgiving, we knew without a doubt those thoughts were really inspiration preparing us, just like the inspiration we have been having for a long time. The understanding of it all came on gradually, although we knew about the cancer in July.

Mom fought a good fight. She kept the pain and discomfort from her family, and didn't complain unless we pried it out of her. She is DONE!! NO MORE sleeping upright. NO MORE swollen legs or painful bones. No more dealing with pain pills that won't go down! NO MORE being out of breath from simply walking. No more stress of things that need to be done. She passed her test. Now she can rest from the cares of this world. I'm so thankful for the knowlege of the plan of salvation. I KNOW we will see her again. I know there are still things in this life that my family can look forward to. We can still have good times. I also know that my mom is still around, and will be at the special occasions such as baptisms and temple sealings. I look forward to those things, but I also believe she will be a guardian angel to her family. We asked her to come often if she could. Julie said our mom will be Austin's guardian angel for sure (2 1/2 year old who has no limits of what he can get into, and how high he can climb). I also know our Savior has not forgotten us. Because we need him, He will be there to help us.

Preparing for a funeral is difficult. We had Thanksgiving day to work around too, so there was one day that no businesses were open. But Mom helped us a lot by preparing many things ahead. She wrote her own obituary, planned her funeral, bought her temple clothes in her size, picked out the burial plot, bought the casket, etc. We were afraid the temple clothes wouldn't arrive in the mail on time. We almost had to go find all the sizes and the right dress Mom wanted, and had to go to the Distribution Center to buy it all, then return the stuff Mom ordered, once it arrived in the mail. Julie had the thought, "wait until 3:00." And sure enough, the clothes arrived that day in the mail.

We thoroughly enjoyed talking to everybody that came for the viewing. The funeral was beautiful. I thought it was a good tribute to Mom, but also what she wanted...a faith-promoting meeting. After the family dinner, and talking with family from Idaho, California, Layton UT, etc, I felt so much love for all of them. I felt peaceful that day. There was a general spirit of comfort all around us. We were smiling and sharing stories, and just enjoying each other's company. I was just overwhelmed at all the love we were shown. I was thankful for that. It was a good day.

Thank you everyone, for your support and prayers. We have also enjoyed flowers and other gifts. They have been so nice to have around.